awesome video friday

Love!

Financial Aid Season Closed!

The past couple months are what I call the financial aid season. Ok, so it's not technically closed, but pretty much. It definitely has the resemblance of hunting season. It was my first season as a financial aid counselor so it was a little bit of an intense couple months. Hense the disappearance acts on this blog. I work in the countryside of Illinois so financial aid is really a big deal. The knowledge about financial aid is mediocre, there are all sorts of campaigns and events in and around Chicago, but lets say there is a severe lack of outreach in the countryside. I've really been trying to push the outreach and event in the area. I've really been pushing talking to classrooms of students, but schools are under a lot of stress..... layoffs, changing expectations, I can understand if they're unsure about letting a young state employee into the school consistently. Even if I mean well. So I was trying to create as many events as I could through February and at the latest March. Seeing how I live in Illinois, which has a wonderful grant program called the MAP grant... I push financial aid a lot. Not all states have a state program like that, whether that program is going to stick around for a while is unknown. I went to school thanks to federal grants, and now I work with a lot of students who qualify for these grants as well.
The big news is that financial aid applications were up 30%. That's a lot. As a result of that I got a notice that the IL Map grant was going to be cut on Monday. So thems the breaks! Last year the money ran out mid may....this year mid april. That's rough. I sent this notice around to the schools and naturally have been getting last minute phone calls about helping students fill out their FAFSA. This is extraordinarily frustrating to me..not helping the students...but that so many students have not got this done. It's almost May. The form is really not that hard unless something goes wrong. What is going on that so many students are doing this at the lats minute? Is awareness low? Is motivation low? Do families just forget? Who's job is it to make sure students have this form done...the student, the family, the counselor, the college? I take the issue on myself, next season I'm going to have to hit it hard and fast. I want my district done by the end of March. I don't want my students to be refused funding for college because of some stupid error on someone's part. I will go to every senior classroom as every school if I have to and make a list of students to meet with that haven't finished it.

IDK! Filling out the FAFSA is the easy part....it's graduation and paying off loans that's the tough one. Especially when loans can come from all over the place and they don't send you a notification that a specific loan is due until AFTER it's due. I have a perkins loan where this happened this month. you would think that a loan made for low income students would have better reminders and information with it. My college switched half way through my college career from private bank loans to loans directly from the federal government, to add to my frustrations trying to figure all this repayment crap out. I THINK I now have it all covered, no more nasty surprises.

Lesson of the story... my life has finally calmed down and I can focus on me again...sorta. As much as I do normally...which isn't much. lol

Slightly belated Awesome Video Friday

Belated because I was busy with work...to the point where I was actually on a conference call on my way to a concert! and then I was at an amazing concert! My finnish lovers, also known as HIM, came to town and I, of course, made it to the show! Belated awesome video friday:


HIM "Scared To Death"

HIM | MySpace Music Videos

and a really good song from a band that played with them, Dommin, they were great!

It's a love hate heartbreak

So, Easter. I'm not Christian, but I enjoy spending some time with good food and family. I can't say I'm savvy on Christian lore, but I believe the day celebrates Jesus's rise from the grave. That's really the extent of my knowledge. By my understanding here...it's a little ironic that some issues in my past decided to crawl from the grave to torment me. It would take me a novel to discuss things that happened to me growing up, but the most recently essentially is that my father and his side of the family do not talk to me...for years The last time I told just a part of my life story I had people in the room crying and got a standing ovation. It was a little weird to me. If they cried at what I told...they would explode at some other stories.

Anyway

The fiance and I drove back to our hometown to go out to an early dinner with his family, at a local joint that's popular in with the locals. We were basically finished eating, just relaxing, and I started thinking about how that last time I was there on Easter was with my father...thus YEARS ago. I started thinking about what I would do if they were at the same restaurant. It is my constant fear when I go home that I'll run into these people. I seriously thought I was hallucinating for a minute when I seen my grandmother walk by...then I seen an uncle's significant male other walking around too. I literally panicked. I didn't think my head just took control of the situation I guess. I very much ran out of the restaurant. Keep in mind I have not seen any of these people since we parted ways because they were mad at me for going to college....I'm stuck up and money hungry was the nice way to put what I was called for wanting to better myself. I got up, asked my fiances family to excuse me and I would meet them in the car because half of my family I don't get along with were in the restaurant. I walked as fast as I could out of there with my head down. I was still noticed by an uncle I hear nasty things about (again it would take me a novel to write my history). I smiled and said hi as i kept walking, but did not even close to stop. I did not see my father there...but I was afraid he was coming soon or something and I would NOT have been able to hold it together. He pretty much ripped out my heart and spit on it 5 years ago.

I felt ridiculous leaving my fiances family. It really was a lose lose situation. Either i gracefully..sorta..left and avoided any conflict that might have rose...or I sit there and PRAY no one comes up to the table and says anything nasty. Again, I didn't really think. I panicked and left. At least we were pretty much done eating. I've tried to avoid letting my fiance's family knowing too much about my background. We got back to the fiance's family's house and I was shaking....his mom asked if I was cold...I wasn't. It was just awkward all around. My aunt was super supportive though which I really appreciated. She told me I've come a long way and that's great...and my fiance's family will love me even more because they got a taste of some things I've been through to see where I am now. It was a lovely sentiment, I can't speak to whether it's true or not.

Awesome video friday

I know this is a couple years old, but this is still one of my favorite dances and songs. Just wanted to share.

When logic and proportion have fallen sloppy dead

I HAVE to have a budget and stick to it. If I don't I tend to go out of control buying silly things and forget about bills due; I also lose track of what I really want and end up buying things I randomly like. Lets just say that recently I've had a little extra income and I can't even backup enough to figure out where I should be on my budget this month. I gave up in March because of the extra income I blew; I did not keep track of it at all. THEN my car went down for the count. Well Kick Ass. I have NO savings. I am a recent-ish college graduate working on paying off student loans, credit cards, and a wedding...not to mention random bills. No Savings.
The past couple weeks I've been on the search for a car. I had no clue what type of car, all I knew is I could afford $300 a month in payments max. I've liked Beetles since I was a kid, but the word on the street was that I didn't want to buy that. Not good cars for what I need. Fun, but not for me. I drove through the used dealerships just writing down cars I liked, and after some eliminations I decided a Nissan Altima was perfect. The word on the street was that they don't die and any repairs would be on the cheaper side. In the end I drove away in a 2005 Nissan Altima for $6800. I, of course, had to have it financed so now I'm more in debt for the next couple years. They wanted $10000 for the car so I feel pretty good with it. It's a really nice car.
I watched the junk yard take my Pontiac Sunfire away today. It was almost tragic. It was like abandoning an old friend. Then I drove to the junk yard to pick up the money for it and I seen it sitting among heaps of scrap metal...all I could think was "you don't belong here my friend." I actually was a little heartbroken with that image. It sounds so crazy, but I didn't want to leave it there among junk! It was on it's last legs, and I know that, but it was the nicest car I've had until this new Altima. The poor sunfire. Had a huge dent in the front, one speaker worked, engine was going to blow, very dirty, chairs didn't move well, window hand roller was broken, air conditioning didn't work, back window heater things didn't work....but it was the nicest car I've had. Goodbye sweet friend.

So I had to redo my budget quite a bit. I have to pawn of the cable bill to the fiance, because I can't afford it now. Saying goodbye to the gym membership. Paying off my target card this month and viola! New budget that doesn't sacrifice my wedding fund or 100 extra dollars for myself. This is what it looks like:

Awesome video friday!

I decided to entertain myself and implement awesome video Friday on the ol blog. Whether it's a good song, neat video, great dancing, whatever I like during the past week I'll post. We're starting with:

The Regiment

These are the awesome products I use in my "beauty regiment." I didn't get into the whole makeup thing until college and I'm still trying to figure out some details, but I've made some pretty great strides!

1) Burts Bees Natural Acne Solutions: Purifying Gen Cleanser, Daily Moisturizing Lotion, & Spot Treatment

I love this stuff! It works so well for me, and unlike the chemically laden popular brands it doesn't dry my face out. I use it in the morning and at night and it cleared my face up in a snap, for the most part it's continued to keep my face clear. Not super dry, not shiny, a good balance in the middle. They can be sorta pricey in comparison, but really worth it if you're afraid of all that stuff in the standard brands.

2) Bare Minerals Original Foundation & Mineral Veil in Medium

This I just started using and it is a huge step forward from the drug store makeup I used to use. It doesn't feel heavy or like I'm wearing makeup. I use medium right now, but I think in summer I'll be a medium beige, I try not to tan but running outside makes that difficult. It doesn't look like much in my crappy bathroom lights, but awesome in natural light. I love they have so many shades, it matches perfectly!

3) Dior Addict Ultra LipGloss in Lurex Plum

LOVE! Love love love! I usually don't do dark colors, but the plum actually looks amazing. It's not sticky, super shiny (but not overwhelming), and lasts a long time. It doesn't get stuck in lip lines, it has a great brush applicator. It's really pricey, but well worth it. I wouldn't stock up on the product, again because of it's price. Having the one makes me feel awesome on special occasions or when I'm having a crappy day.



4) Covergirl Wetslicks in Crush

I use covergirl regularly. It's affordable and generally nice products. I use their eye liner and eye shadows as well. It's pretty cheap so consistant use is realistic. The products also travel well and for me that's a big deal. I am not a fan of their foundation because they always seem heavy to me, but for the little details covergirl is great.

5) Miss Dior Cherie

again LOVE! love love love! I adore the smell of this perfume and I only got it because I sold my old laptop and had a bit of extra money. It smells sweet but sultry. The fiance adores it as much as I do. I feel like it's a very young, but not tooooo young sort of perfume. Way cute bottle. I can't get enough of it, and it lasts all day and beyond! I pick up my shirt the next day and I can still smell it! mmmmm LOVE



So those are my general beauty regiment stuff. Maybe I'll do body and shower stuff on another day, but these are definitely my favorites out of the ridiculous amount of products out there. Give them a shot and tell me what you think.

Interesting coworkers - The One Uper

I think I might do a couple posts about workplace personalities. My experience with them and frustrations resulting from these people. So to get this party started I am starting with....The One Uper!

We all know a one uper, and very often we have to work a project with said one uper. The one uper is the type of person who has to go above and beyond the call of duty just to look better than everyone else. For example: your boss tells you to write a one paragraph synopses of what your group is working on because he/she has to present said information to his/her bosses. So! Naturally, you write a simple one paragraph quicky to summarize what EXACTLY you are working on NOW and submit it forwarding it to all those involved as well as the boss...just so everyone's on the same page. Then, a couple hours later the one uper sends a whole paged outline of every single thing you're working on and beyond....past, sorta current, and future.
The one uper may be in a group with you. You come up with the entire direction and details for a conference call and are ready to talk about it together. Then when the conference call comes to play you can't get a word in because the one uper says everything, despite all the ideas coming from your head.

I personally chose to turn the other way when dealing with a one uper. I am not the type of person who feels that I have to top people or put people in their "place." In my opinion there's no saving a one uper. You KNOW they don't do as much as they should normally so when it comes to turning something in they are all over it and then some. You did exactly what the boss said, giving a simple paragraph he/she could read to the superiors...short, blunt, honest, and sweet as to not take up a ridiculous amount of time at the meeting. I figure the work speaks for itself...it's pretty easy to spot a one uper, and I feel bosses are generally aware when this happens. Granted it is extraordinarily frustrating and you want to scream WHY DID YOU DO THAT!? There's really no gracious way to deal with a one uper besides letting your work speak for itself. My opinion, look the other way and watch them self destruct on their own.

My Obsession

I think I need to discuss my ridiculous obsession. Everyone has their...thang. Mine is Alice in Wonderland. I don't care too much for the Disney cartoon, I like it, but it's not my world. I ADORE the books. Then to add to my appreciation of the books I studied abroad at Oxford University during college. Now, I'm not only obsessed with Alice but with Oxford. I left my soul in that city and I would go back in a heartbeat given the opportunity. If you don't know Alice in Wonderland was written by Lewis Carroll, which was a pen name of Charles Dodgson a mathematics professor at Christ Church College Oxford Uni. Alice was actually a real girl, the daughter of the president of the college who ran around quite often. Carroll used to make up stories and tell them to her, hense Alice in Wonderland. In Oxford there is an Alice shop (the Old Sheep shop and the shop where Alice got her candy) and Christ Church College has a whole stand glass window of Alice. So my obsessions go hand in hand. I got this necklace today and I'm really excited to get it and put a pound coin in it from Oxford. Be still my sentimental heart!
In light of all that....I feel like I'm going to have a stroke everytime I see the new movie commercial....I'm so damn excited. I already bought tickets, I'm throwing a mad tea party before the movie March 5....yeah the obsession is that bad. I can't stop thinking about this movie and how epic it's going to be. I think the new spin on an old tale will be amazing and I love the cast!

Valentine's and whatnot

I've been sick for a couple days, which seems to be my luck when I have an extended vacation or 4 day weekend recently...especially when it's around a holiday. I was sick through new years and now valentines day. Despite being sick I had a good valentines day. We went for lunch at a new Japanese place in town. Way delicious and just had a relaxing day together. Can't ask for much more than that.

Avatar...yeah I finally seen it

I know I'm two or so months behind, but I finally seen Avatar. I've wanted to see it, but paying $3 extra dollars for an already expensive movie ticket irritates me. I don't understand why I can't keep the 3D glasses from previous movies, bring them, and pay the normal ticket price. I'm not a 3d nerd so I can't say that 3D movies excite me. In fact I have some issues with my inner ears and I'm constantly afraid I'll be sick at 3D movies, thankfully that hasn't happened yet. Personally, I think the movie could have been just as good without 3D...my fiance thinks the 3D was amazing and partially made the movie.

I really did like this movie. It's been a while since I've seen a movie that was really engaging and thoughtful. The story was good, the visuals were good too, but I really enjoyed the story. If this is one of those movies based of a book I'd go out and buy it immediately...I don't think it is though. I thought the characters were well developed...though the main guy's dialogue was a little dull from time to time. I'm not sure if that was on purpose to reflect the whole trained brain of the military that was exemplified at other points of the movie....or if it was just poor writing for his dialogue.

My friend told me a lot of people were leaving the movie depressed, and I can't understand why. The good guys win, everyone lives happy ever after. People don't like having their culture and morals slapped in their face I guess. People have been taking it as a crack against America, and I didn't see it that way. I saw it as a crack at what we are doing as a race globally. Honestly, if you haven't thought of the issues presented in that movie before I don't know where you've been. I don't know. Maybe it's just my perspective. I have native american heritage and follow an...older religion...lets say. I've thought about much of the issues presented before...a lot. Breaking down the issues would be another 20 blog posts, but I liked the issues being presented and we all should think about how we treat our mother earth and what having faith in something really means. I also thought it was funny that the Vatican had to comment about the movie saying it misrepresents religion and earth based religions aren't valid. blah blah. I really don't want to throw a religious debate on the floor here, but it's all rather interesting!

Bizarre

Yesterday I was enjoying a free latte at Borders making random work calls and rummaging through magazines. Apparently Borders sells the UK Bizarre magazine. Who knew? I liked this magazine, I read it when I was in the UK and I refused to pay the subscription cost for the US. I assumed I'd never see it again; I was pretty excited I was wrong. The magazine is the weird mix of weird, funny, interesting, and...well...pretty.

It got me thinking about women and body images last night, which is a little weird, but I have a degree in psychology and women's studies, give me a break. I read the magazine, thought the cover model was beautiful and had the motivation to look like that. Not too much behind it, just the inspiration. Then I get home and hand the magazine to my fiance and I think about him thinking the model is beautiful and I end up thinking I'm supposed to look like that. It was a dramatic flip flop in my mind, because we both say the same thing but they each create a different scenario in my mind with my personal motivation and goals. I was impressed at my mental gymnastics, but I really didn't like it. My attitude went from motivation to pressure.
The reason this hit me is that I hear about women's body images and standard models all the time, but I never had a personal connection to it. I never wanted to look like any of the standard issue models in the standard issue magazines. As soon as I grab an "alternative" magazine I have the same complexes as everyone else. Even if I can take it a part and understand why those complexes exist, it doesn't help me feel less crappy about myself.

So all this got me thinking last night about women and their ideal body type. My question is do women who identify with an "alternative" style, group, lifestyle have the same complexes about the ideal body type as those women who identify with "normal" magazines, movie stars? Essentially, is the ideal body type so ingrained from one source that it transcends all other groups? Based on my experiences last night I think so. Granted, the model above and below isn't stick thin, but definitely thin and well toned, lets say.

Then my mind continued asking how women get over ragging on themselves and work toward their goal? And are they really working towards THEIR goal or the goal someone told them to have? I was 112lbs in high school...but I was healthy..I ate like a horse. Now, after college I weigh 140lbs. The way I look at this goal is that it's really only a 20lbs difference, but how do I get over ragging on myself and the pressure to look like that and really do it for myself? 140lbs is by no means fat, but I don't look like that when I know I did. Such weird complexes that apply to every subculture...me thinks!

Good idea at the time

"True about my taste. True about my wealth. But you don't need no help from me, you'll yourself to waste"

I'm hoping this month is significantly better than the way January ended. Last week was far too long with too much silly people involved. You know when you just have people and things that make your job ten times harder than it needs to be, and you can't figure out why adult women act like teenagers...that was my week last week. I just have to get back in the game and get over the huge setback of last week. oh the world of education is interesting.

My budget kinda exploded as a result of irritating people. When I'm upset the solution to my problem is to go out for some dinner and a drink, so I spent more in food then my budget allowed. I reconfigured the whole thing this month so it is actually accurate with bills instead of close guesstimates. Unfortunately, since my favorite band in the world is finally touring the US again all my extra money for the month is gone...and it's only the second day of the month! The show isn't even 'till April! March's extra money will probably be gone at the beginning of March due to a math GRE refresher course I want to take. I have to stick to that, because I need to pay of the downpayment for our wedding ceremony and reception! I need a HUGE sticker board in front of my face all the time that reads "Do you really need that? You have a wedding to pay for!" So I guess February is my month of making my tiny kitchen just as relaxing as going out to eat. My fiance and I make just as, if not better, food than restaurants...but we get so lazy!

It is now February and that means only one thing in the world of education and financial aid....FAFSA! I'm helping so many people with this little form that it's ridiculous. I like what I do, and I never get upset at having to do these things. The same old questions for the most part, and then one really hard question comes up once a week or so. Last night I was at a school's event talking to parents and I hear heartbreaking stories to people scoffing at financial aid. I watched the school's dance team for a little bit, reminiscing about my days in high school...it was nice to see a dance team that doesn't present they're in a music video. I found that refreshing. I like talking to people once I get going. I recognize that I can be too offbeat for some people, but I have a good time regardless. It felt good that something went so right after a week that went so wrong!

Mid Month Accountability

I'm half way through the first month of a real budget. I'm still on budget, and that makes me really happy. It's not exactly the easiest thing, but it's not too difficult either. I sent my budget planner excel to my coworker and fiance, who both said they really like it. I find that I keep wanting to buy books and magazines, that's my vice it seems. I think my groceries budget can be cut in half, might be on the list of things to do for February. Unfortunately, my car is having some problems so I might have to reconfigure my budget entirely. I'm thinking I can change expenses around to afford a car note and better insurance, but I'll get to that if I have to. Hopefully my car will survive until at least May. This is what I'm looking like mid month:

Groceries - $161 left from $200
Wedding Fund - $250 left to save from $300 (contract with location was $50)
Extra - $36 left from $100

The Extra funds have been spent on:
Books - $25.40 (Not bad!)
Going Out - $22.91 (Not bad either!)
Random - $15.49

I'm thinking what we're going to do for our wedding expenses is create a separate joint account that is only used for wedding expenses, clearly. Every month the money we save can be switched to that account and it will create a better way to keep track of the wedding expenses and see exactly where we are at.

Do What You Want

"so you were born in an electrical storm, took a bite out the sun saw your future in a machine built for two now your rays make me kind of go crazy"

Offbeat wedding planning at it's finest happening today. We've slowed down quite a bit after we booked our place, because we really do have a lot of time between now and then. I am beyond proud of my engagement photo ideas. Those sweet, standard pictures in some random location are great....but I'm planning a mad tea party. That's right, a Mad Tea Party. We both like Alice in Wonderland; Alice in Wonderland is my "thing." The books are a riot to read, I've been to Oxford and admired everything related to Alice, and I have a ridiculous amount of things I bought at Alice's shop. What could be more fun than Mad Tea Party engagement photos this spring!? I never seen such a thing and I can't wait. The idea and inspiration came from this photo:

Six Years

I have been together with my fiance six years this week. The time has flew by and it's hard to wrap my head around meeting in high school to planning a wedding now. On our six year anniversary we officially picked a wedding date and booked our location. It was all a little surreal, but an evening at the local Italian place cleared a little of that away. A glass of wine, some amazing pasta, and tiramisu can cure any ailment.

I got the Miss Dior perfume on our anniversary and I feel the need to tell you how great this perfume smells! I don't like a lot of perfumes, because they very often give me a headache they're so strong. On the flipside the bath and body works type perfumes never last more then an hour or two which is frustrating. This perfume lasts ALL day and is wonderfully subtle. It's sweet, but has a sort of spicy hint. I'm in love with it and the bottle is rather cute.

No body is gonna rain on my parade

I'm sure most couples deal with some sort of family complication in their wedding planning. I don't mean to turn this blog into some sort of wedding blog only, but I can only think this type of situation comes up consistently.
My family and I have never really seen eye to eye and I've always accepted that in a sense. Currently my mother and I are in a bit of a disagreement regarding my wedding. The wedding ceremony and celebrating with my family and friends means a lot to me. I am spending a good deal of my money on the ceremony and reception, my hard earned personal money. My mother feels I should do this as cheaply as possible and take of on some extravagant honeymoon. Both of these viewpoint I think are okay, but it's extraordinarily irritating to have someone else's will imposed on your wedding. It's all those random comments and sideways glances. My mother decided she didn't want to go with me to a bridal expo because we already went to one. She's under the assumption that we won't use anyone from this region, and she is mistaken on that, well she never really asked. I figure, how many times does one get to go to bridal expos? And a photographer we're interested in is going to be there, a perfect chatting opportunity.
So my question is what is better? A great ceremony and reception for ourselves, friends, and family and being indifferent about a honeymoon as long as we're happy and together, or going cheaply and having some crazy honeymoon who knows where?

My year without spending!

It's 2010 and it's back to work and real life. I went to my first Bridal Expo yesterday and that really blew my mind. I know weddings can be a pretty penny, but having to numbers in front of me made quite the impact. Especially considering a lot of this wedding is being payed for by me. I make more money than my fiance at the moment, he finishes his Masters in December and hopefully then will be making much more money than me. My family does not have a lot of extra money, so the pressure is on! The best thing was that the expo was at the place I have my heart set on for our wedding. I was at this place on nearly a weekly basis as I grew up and it really holds a special place in my heart. We had one of our first dates there and got engaged there as well!
I got a really good idea of what this is going to cost and I had a fair amount of planning to make sure I can afford it. At the moment I can, I can make my dream wedding happen, paying for it myself on a public servant's salary. I needed to ask myself what I really wanted. Did I want a wedding very cheaply and continue buying random stuff that I like, or did I want the wedding that expresses who we are as a couple and what we value. I don't need the things I've been buying recently. I don't even know what I blew my money on the past six months, but it's ending now. I am making this wedding happen; I only plan to do this once.

This is really turning into my year without spending. My first full year having a job in education, my year without spending, and my year appreciating what I have is what 2010 is turning into. I'm comfortable with that. I've never had an opportunity to save money like I can now and I am kinda looking forward to doing this.

This is the budget:
(Continuous)
Rent- 300
Cable - 60
Prescriptions - 30
Car Insurance - 40
Health Insurance - 145
Student Loans - 200
Groceries - 200
Gym - 31
Extra - 100

January through May
Credit Cards - 300 for 5 months than credit card debt free
Wedding Savings - 300 for 5 months

May through December
Wedding Savings - 500



Pretty Tough, but this is worth it: